


Another piece of the puzzle

by Higgystar



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2281836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgystar/pseuds/Higgystar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>anon on tumblr asked for Merle accidentally outing Daryl in front of the group and Daryl's reactions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another piece of the puzzle

Daryl knows it’s an honest mistake. He can see the regret the instant the words leave Merle’s mouth, but it doesn’t mean he’s not angry as hell at his brother all the same. It’s not the first time that Merle’s big mouth and lack of forethought has gotten him thrown in at the deep end, but this was the first time he didn’t think it could get solved with a fist fight. He can feel the eyes all on him, everyone in the cell block is staring at him, he knows he’s blushing and looking like an idiot as he glares at his brother and he can practically feel the seconds tick by as it all falls into place.

There’s no apology from Merle, (is there ever?) but he can see that Merle feels a little guilty for blurting out one of his secrets in a moment of anger. It wasn’t exactly strange for the two of them to get pissed at each other and end up spitting insults at each other, but usually they didn’t have a captive audience. But the cell block was nowhere near empty, and everyone had been audience to their little spat. They’d heard the spat insults, the little mentions of past events as children that get brought up when they fight and eventually Merle had gone and said the one thing he’d never thought would be revealed to everyone else.

“Wait…” Glenn breaks the silence, sitting at the tabletop with Maggie and looking confused as well as intrigued. “You’re gay?”

It’s enough to break whatever’s got him staying in place and without looking at anybody else he’s moving away from them all. The cell block is too stuffy, the tombs are too full of the rotting dead and it’s not like he’s got many options left open to him. Still he’s always preferred being outside and heck maybe if he was lucky a rogue walker would get in and kill him before the shame did.

He’s never been too good with any of this sharing sort of shit, growing up where he did with the family he did, you learnt to keep yourself to yourself and get by without giving up information. Things like this could be used for blackmail where he grew up, it could and would be used against him by everyone and sometimes it was just safer to keep things like that to himself. So he’d never told anyone at all.

Merle knew. Merle always seemed to fucking know everything even if he never said anything about it. There were never any girlfriends or anything, he wasn’t really interested in them at all, and maybe when he was fifteen years old and not trying to hump every girl in sight Merle had caught on to why. Who knew anything about Merle? Either way he just knew, they never spoke about it, but Merle never pushed him to screw any women neither. So he kept it a secret, he never did anything about it but really it was better for him that way.

Now here he was, end of the world when they all had far more important things to think about and he’d been outed. They’d never really spoken about their opinions on that sort of thing as a group, heck for all they knew there wasn’t any point to it. But he knew Hershel and his family were religious, everyone else was straight as far as he knew and heck maybe this would be the final breaking point for them all?

Heading down to their perimeter he snatches up his knife, walking along the fences and glaring at the walkers that snarl at him. Shoving the blade through the mesh he takes one out, feeling the pent up anger and upset urge him to do it again. The violence doesn’t really help to be honest, but it’s what he knows, so it’s what he does. Stabbing walkers, taking them down and being as helpful as he can be whilst away from the group. The groans become less, the bodies start stacking up on the ground beside the fence and before long he’s panting at the exertion, using his strength to take more of them down and huffing at his knife becomes stained with the black blood of walkers.

“Feel any better yet?”

Rick. Of course it would be Rick who came to find him. Probably here to make sure he’s not making a problem of himself and causing issues they’d have to fix later. He doesn’t bother replying, instead he focuses on cleaning the blade of his knife and sheathing it ready for its next use. But that leaves his hands empty and right now he can’t quite face the other man yet.

“You didn’t need to run off like that.” Rick continues as if he had answered, seemingly able to read him easily after all this time. He doesn’t want to have this conversation, he doesn’t need to know what Rick thinks of him now he knows what he is. What he’s always been.

Biting on his nail he gives a loose shrug, trying to seem uncaring when in reality this man’s opinion means more to him than most. “Whatever.” He mumbles, uncaring if Rick heard him and really just wishing he were alone right now. There was panic and worry in his gut, thick and strong inside of him, churning and making him want to both curl up and hide and run away from the reality of the situation.

There’s no comforting hand to his shoulder, but Rick does step closer to him, standing beside him and not leaving him by himself. “You know what Glenn’s like, he speaks before he thinks sometimes. He was just surprised, like the rest of us is all. He didn’t mean anything by it.” Rick explains, his voice gentle, calming even if Daryl still has to fight his flight or fight response.

“Good for him.” Is all he can really think to say, unsure of when the real fallout from all of this was coming. Was Rick trying to break it to him gently or something?

Honestly he just wants to leave already. Maybe get Merle, get on the bike and just run away from everything. If they were just out there then he wouldn’t have to think, or care what the group thought. Except he didn’t want to leave. He’d meant what he said before, these people were his family, this place was home and he didn’t want to be without them. He just wished they didn’t know. 

“Daryl when we said you were family, we meant it.” Rick continues, and there is a hand on his back this time, settling on his shoulder and Daryl’s not sure if it’s really there to just keep him in place. “And family doesn’t go away just because they learn something new about someone. No one is mad that you didn’t tell us, it’s your right to tell who you want to tell.”

“Didn’t want to tell no one.” Daryl reveals, remembering thinking about telling Merle and finding the words stick in his throat. He’d never had to say it before, so why bother now? “Ain’t no one else’s business anyway.” He shrugs and damn it had been so much easier when he hadn’t bothered to think about this stuff.

“No it ain’t.” Rick agrees, but the hand on his shoulder doesn’t leave. “But you got to know that ain’t no one gonna be treating you any different because they know now.”

“Bullshit.” Daryl finds himself snorting, turning on his heel to face Rick properly and losing the comfort of his hand. “You telling me bible basher Hershel’s gonna let a queer like me round his family now he knows? You think he ain’t gonna call me a sinner who’s goin’ straight to hell now?” He’s seething, all the worry and anger of years of keeping it a secret seeping out into words almost spat at Rick. “And what about you huh? Clean cut good boy cop was probably told to shoot faggots on sight if you saw any.” Spreading his arms, he steps back a little, feeling as if he’s been preparing for this beating his entire life. “Well take your best fucking shot.”

There’s a pause between them. Rick is looking at him like he’s crazy and the only hand he raises is held palm outwards, a sign of peace and trying to calm him down. It takes a moment for Daryl to realise he’s breathing heavily, his shoulders are tense and he really is waiting for the fight that he knows should be coming right now. He doesn’t know where all this has suddenly come from but it feels like years worth of anger, upset and insecurity coming to the front.

Again Rick’s hand settles on his shoulder and when his friend speaks he’s still calm, still ever the dependable man he’s come to trust. “I know Hershel ain’t gonna give a shit about you being gay Daryl, you’ve saved him and his daughters countless times and besides, he’s more accepting than you think.” Daryl gives a snort of disbelief, unable to look up from the ground until Rick continues with a shrug. “He never cared when I told him I was bi.”

For a moment Daryl isn’t sure what he’s heard. A part of him thinks it’s his imagination, his need to not be alone rearing up and giving him an answer he wants to hear. But when he looks up to Rick there’s nothing but honesty and trust in his eyes when their eyes meet. “What?” It may not be much but it’s about all he can think to say at the revelation.

Rick gives him a small smile, running his fingers through his hair before he continues. “Well seems only fair if I share with you since I know you’re gay.” There’s another pause, a nod and Rick really doesn’t look like a dirty secret is being torn from him when he speaks. Instead he seems calm, as if this was a regular topic of conversation for them. “I’m bisexual.”

He really isn’t sure how to respond to that, but Daryl’s body follows through its regular motions when he feels lost, and he finds himself chewing on his thumbnail as he avoids looking to his friend. The dirt beneath him is stained with walker blood, he feels uneasy and lost within himself as Rick watches him. There are so many things he wants to say, from questions about it all, to thanks to Rick for wanting to share with him something that was so intimate. Instead he stays silent, linking his free hand into the fence and feeling the coldness of the metal against his skin.

It’s like Rick knows him so well he doesn’t even need to say anything to be understood. Rick steps closer beside him, moving to look beyond the fences with him and keeping his voice low when he speaks. “Means I like both men and women.” Rick explains, carefully, easily, as if everyone else in the world was as uneducated about these things as he was. “Doesn’t change anything about me, doesn’t make you look at me any different does it?” He asks and Daryl finds himself immediately shaking his head.

“No.” Because he’s still Rick. He’s still the man he’d trust with his life, still the man that had kept them all safe, the man who he would follow without question. “Just didn’t know you could like both.” He admits and really there are a lot of things he’s pretty sure his limited experience and education left out. “Thought you was straight what with being married and all.”

Lori is a sore subject. He knows that, it’s not been long enough since she’d passed and he knew Rick was having issues with being near his newborn daughter. But he still feels the need to explain and besides, how was he meant to know these things?

Rick shakes his head with a small frown, taking a moment to steel himself, clearly thinking of Lori and everything he’d never said to her. “I just fell in love with a woman that’s all. But I’ve dated guys before, I’ve had relationships with both men and women, it’s just who I am Daryl.” He shrugs, and this time Daryl does meet his eye and can see the honesty there as he explains it all for him. “It’s just another part of me.”

He nods. Because maybe that’s a better way to think about it, as just a part of them instead of a problem. Still if they were doing this whole sharing shit, then he might as well go the whole hog if he had someone willing to listen. “I ain’t…I ain’t never been with no one.” He manages, licking at his lips and finding it easier to look through the fences as he speaks. “Liked some guys is all but I never had the guts to fucking do anything. Weren’t the sort of thing you could do where I grew up.” Sometimes he used to think of running away, away to a place where he could be whatever he wanted without judgement. It was a pipe dream, something for him to think about in tough times, but now maybe he was starting to think he’d kind of found it with these people.

A hand falls to his shoulder, squeezing lightly in reassurance as Rick steps a little closer, close enough that he can feel his body heat in the cool night air. “Well right here and now is what matters. So long as you’re with us, you need to know that you’re family no matter who you want to be with alright?” Rick tells him and despite years of locking it away to himself, ignoring any urges he’d ever had and pretending to not feel anything at all, he nods, understanding and unable to explain just how grateful he is for the end of the world.

He nods in reply, unable to stop himself from laughing a little at the absurdness of his situation. In the space of a few moments he’s gone from hiding the biggest secret of his life, to sharing it with his new found family. Snorting a little he can’t deal with the serious atmosphere anymore, it’s already been far too invasive and he needs to get back the easiness there always was between he and Rick. “Heck maybe now I’ll be able to have my first kiss before I die now right?” He jokes, but though there’s a small laugh in reply, Rick doesn’t exactly look amused by it.

“You’ve never even had your first kiss?” Rick asks and Daryl gives a small shrug in reply, remembering being a teenager unable to act on even the most innocent of wants.

“Never exactly got the chance.” Not when it would never stay private. Things would get out, people would hear, it would spread like wildfire and the thought of it getting back around to his family was terrifying. School was more difficult than ever and even when he was fully grown he’d never gotten the balls to do more than just watch from afar and dream. “But hey, you never know right?”

Rick smiles to him, there’s a hint of teeth in his grin, and something that looks like a dangerous thought in his eye, making Daryl wonder exactly what he’s thinking. His friend squeezes at his shoulder again, nudging for him to follow as they make their way back inside, the nerves inside of Daryl’s gut rearing up again at the thought of facing everyone else. But Rick is there beside him, and besides if it was just a part of who he was, then they would have to accept it.

“Yeah, you never know.”


End file.
